How To Communicate Anger Without Destroying Your Relationships


You probably do not like confrontation, but it is a fact that you cannot run from forever. You must assert yourself, your needs and your boundaries — and other people must do the same with you.

Anger — both indirect and direct — is supposed to communicate something significant. However, it may drive people away, as well. You want to be heard and connect, but if you’re feeling angry, the result may be the opposite. In fact, any type of aggression can interfere with emotionally intelligent communication.

Some people believe passive-aggressive communication is “nicer” or better. But, it isn’t. It might be worse. So, in case you’re looking for meaningful and true connection and understanding with someone else, you definitely need a better strategy.

Research suggests that a hostile communication style may drive people away: Whether you are passive-aggressive or aggressive, people will react negatively to you. They’ll feel uncomfortable or even get away from you.

Here Is How to Communicate Anger without Destroying Your Relationships:

Certain cultures like New Yorkers are seen as being extremely direct. In addition, what you see is usually what you get. In case you are from an environment where people do not communicate that way, a direct communication style seems rude and harsh.

Other cultures are viewed as being more indirect. Some people see the French communication style as passive-aggressive.

When you’re angry, you must express it. However, both passive-aggressive and aggressive behaviours can drive people further away from you. So, here is what to do instead:

– Try to understand your emotions

Identify if you are really angry. Perhaps you are simply hurt or sad. Perhaps you think you are frustrated with a situation or a person, but the real situation is that you are feeling sorrow, pain, or rejection. When you identify what your emotion is, it’s what you should communicate instead.

– Become self-aware and identify what is really happening

In case you are fuming, you should wait it out. Don’t dish your frustration out (indirectly or directly) to somebody’s face, or in an email or text, because your communication will not come out right. When you are angry, your brain is hijacked. You know that when the emotion centers of your brain are highly active, you have difficulty thinking logically. So, you should cool your flames, pray, exercise, meditate, take a walk, and take a deep breath to communicate more effectively and see more clearly.

– Find out if you are misplacing blame

It isn’t hard to blame a situation or a person for the way you feel. When you are unhappy, stressed, overworked, and tired in your marriage, you probably blame the first situation or person you encounter. It may drive away your loved ones — making things worse. Also, you are still frustrated, as they were not the real cause of your anger.

– Become curious about why that person is acting that way

Focusing on why you are frustrated, angry, or sad can keep you focused on yourself. Research suggests that negative emotions make you self-centered. There’s no room for someone else’s perspective, as you are locked in your own view of things. You don’t even consider what’s going on with that person. It’s when you should bring in a useful emotion: Curiosity. This means that you should become curious about why that person is acting that way. Ask them with true interest why they’re acting that way, rather than confronting them.

– Show more compassion to them

When you make room for someone else’s point of view as well as ask “why,” rather than simply assuming the worst; you’re actually inviting genuine communication to occur or showing consideration and respect for their right to act, feel, or think a certain way. It may also help you develop a deeper relationship and understanding based on civility and communication, empathy, and compassion. This means that in case you approach them with respect, they’ll hear your perspective and share theirs. But, in case you approach them with aggression, they’ll feel defensive as well as respond with anger in return.

– Try to communicate skilfully

Share your perspective and talk about how you feel. However, do not stop there, or you will remain self-centered in your perspective. You should ask them to share their perspective, as well as engage with it honestly. Show interest for their perspective, and explore together how you can reach a compromise.

Source: Positive Things Only


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